Expert advice on how to be happy

Expert advice on how to be happy - We all have days when we feel less than gleeful. But if your mouth is constantly turned down, there are lots of practical things you can do to get happy

When was the last time you had a really good laugh? If you're struggling to remember, it could be time for a mood makeover. The good news is there are easy, practical steps you can take to improve your outlook. Experts believe that it's not what happens to you that counts but how you deal with it. In other words, you choose the quality of your experiences.

"The first step to getting happy is to identify what's making you unhappy, because it's not always immediately obvious,'' says UK-based psychologist and relationship expert Dr Rina Bajaj. "Try keeping a diary for a week and note down your ‘unhappy' triggers.'' This will also give you an indication of what you need to change. Is it your job? Your weight? Your bank balance? Try to see the triggers as small hurdles you need to overcome - make an achievable plan to tackle each one.

Research shows that being kind to other people makes us feel happier, too

Focus on yourself

"It's important to focus on your own life and goals rather than comparing yourself to others,'' says Dr Bajaj. "There's always someone who is financially/physically/socially different to you. You have to address your own needs.''

If you struggle to get any ‘me time' and feel you have to put everyone else's needs before your own, this could have an impact on your happiness. "You might feel that you have to put everyone else first, or get to the bottom of your to-do list before you treat yourself to five minutes of ‘me time', but actually everyone will be happier if you are too,'' says happiness expert Lynda Field. "You need time to recharge and relax if you want to feel good.'' Set aside time every day to do something that gives you pleasure - whether it's reading, having a pedicure, or just sitting in the sun with an iced tea.

Don't skimp on relationships or downtime

According to American scientists, people who spend time having deep conversations with friends or family are more likely to be happy. So make sure you get together with your nearest and dearest for a proper catch up as often as possible.

Burning the candle at both ends will have a negative effect on your mood, so it's important to eat a healthy, balanced diet, and also to get plenty of sleep. In fact, according to the British Mental Health Foundation, people who have trouble sleeping are more likely to have relationship problems, and feel lethargic, unmotivated and grumpy. So make sure you create sleep-friendly conditions. Switch off the TV, computer and your mobile, take a warm, relaxing bath, and get to bed 30 minutes earlier. Having a regular bedtime every night, keeping your bedroom cool and dark, avoiding caffeine after 3pm as well as rich foods before bedtime could all help you get a better night's sleep. And never read or work in bed.

Care for body and mind

Meditation is an excellent mood booster - in fact Canadian scientists have found it can be as effective as antidepressants in preventing a low mood. Simply sit in a quiet space, relax, and close your eyes. Become aware of your breathing - as you breathe in say ‘breathing in' and the reverse. It can take a while to get the hang of it, but try it for 10 minutes every day this week. The more you practise, the more relaxed you'll feel.

Regular exercise plays a key role in being happy. "When you exercise at moderate to high intensity for over an hour, endorphins are released into the brain and dopamine levels increase,'' explains personal trainer Dan Roberts

"Essentially these are happy chemicals. They improve mood and give a sense of well-being. This is why exercise is prescribed and recommended to those suffering from anxiety or depression.

Longer term, exercise can also help with your self-esteem - particularly if you're suffering from poor body image. "Do exercises that are fun- sports, dancing, new classes, new workout routines, give yourself fitness challenges - it doesn't matter what.''

Finally, don't forget that you get back what you put out. Research shows that being kind to other people makes us feel happier, too. "Try speaking to the checkout person at the supermarket, starting a conversation with someone new, or helping a neighbour carry in their shopping,'' says Lynda Field.

‘Life is so much better now'

Rima Shah, 38, admits she used to be a ‘glass-half-empty' person, until she discovered the power of positive thinking.

"After graduating from university in 1994 I struggled to get my career off the ground - I had a succession of jobs but I felt as though I was always several steps behind my friends who had all gone on to start building successful careers.

This had quite a negative impact on my self-esteem and I started to fixate a little on the "glass half empty" side of things. Then I lost both my sister and three grandparents, who I loved dearly, within the space of two years, which was incredibly hard to cope with.

But after hitting rock bottom I realised that the only way was back up - facing up to what was wrong with my life and making changes.

From that moment I decided to change into a ‘glass half full' girl. I got out of a bad relationship that was going nowhere, I started to do yoga and spend more time on me and the people I care about.

I also started my own business as a complementary therapist. The changes I made would not have been possible if I had remained in my negative mindset, and I really do believe that it is my positive thinking which has driven me to do most of what I have achieved over the last seven years.

My business is now doing well, I have an amazing family and group of friends, and overall I know how lucky I am. Rather rather than fixate on negatives I have chosen to see the silver lining or the positive slant.

I still deeply feel the loss of the people who have gone, but now I smile when thinking of them.

I look at my professional life and sometimes can't quite believe how much I've achieved by myself in such a short amount of time and that I am actually quite good at what I do! My work does involve me having to "help" other people and that would be impossible to do if I was always negative myself.

Overall, I am far less stressed, I'm more sociable, outgoing and confident. My friends and family all say that I look much better and I also feel better.

Life is great and I'm happy and positive about the present - and the future.''

Top tips for instant happiness

1. Make a ‘positives list'. Write a list of all the things in your life that are positive and make sure that it is available for you in the places that you tend to be more stressed, such as work. Looking at this list should help you to feel happier and more relaxed.

2. Identify your negativity triggers. Explore what makes you feel stressed or down. For example, is it in certain situations or around certain people? Writing a diary where you note down events and your feelings in relation to them may be a good first step to trying to identify if there are any changes that you could make in your life that would make you happier.

3. Take a breather (or two). If you're feeling stressed take a moment to stop and breathe. Sometimes, when we are stressed our breathing is out of sync, so focusing on controlled breathing (breathing in through your nose for a few seconds and out through your mouth for a few seconds) can help to restore a good breathing pattern and make you feel calmer and more relaxed.

4. Fake it to make it. Research has shown that smiling can have positive effects on your body and mood whether it is a real or fake smile - your body doesn't know the difference. And just as fake smiling may make you feel happier, fake laughing also has the same effects as real laughter.

5. Surround yourself with happier people. If you have toxic friends who constantly put you down, it could be time to edit your address book. Surround yourself with happier and more positive people and this will likely affect your mindset which could make you a happier person in the long run. ( gulfnews.com )

READ MORE - Expert advice on how to be happy

Schwarzenegger, Patty Baena and Maria Shriver's Sons Born Six Days Apart

Schwarzenegger, Patty Baena and Maria Shriver's Sons Born Six Days Apart - In 1984, Dudley Moore played a bigamist whose wives, "Micki and Maude," had babies at the same time. In the Schwarzenegger-Shriver-Baena love triangle, Patty Baena and Maria Shriver gave birth to Schwarzenegger's sons within six days of each other.

Schwarzenegger and Shriver have always seemed to be a poster couple. They have a 25-year marriage and four beautiful kids. There have been rumors of flirtations on Arnold's part, but by and large the marriage appeared healthy, especially when you consider the odds stacked against them.

Schwarzenegger and Shriver have weathered years of Kennedy family drama. Shriver is JFK's niece and the daughter of Sargent and Eunice Kennedy Shriver. Then there was Arnold's high-profile movie career and Maria's front-woman post with NBC.

Most difficult of all may be that the couple is on opposite sides of the political coin: she is a strict Democrat while he is a first-water Republican. My husband and I have similar politics, but even our few differences can be hard on our relationship. Polar opposites must make strange bedfellows.

The rock-solid house of Schwarzenegger was recently discovered to have cracks in the foundation, however. After the governor's term of office was up in January, he was back in circulation on the film scene sans wife. Then Shriver moved out of their mansion. Rumors of infidelity surfaced, but nothing specific.

On May 17, the bombshell broke. "Conan" had been in an affair with his housekeeper, Mildred Patricia "Patty" Baena. More than that, the two had a child together. Despite Baena's claims that her husband at the time, Rogelio Baena, was the father, Schwarzenegger admitted to paternity.

Here's where the "Micki and Maude" part comes in. TMZ obtained copies of the child's birth certificate. The document shows that Schwarzenegger's fourth and youngest child Christopher was born to Maria Shriver at the same time his baby mama, Patty Baena was giving birth to their love child.

Baena's child's birthday is Oct. 2, 1997. Shriver's son Christopher Sargent Shriver was born Sept. 27, 1997. The former Mr. Universe's boys are six days apart.

Photos of Baena, with the child show his face blurred to preserve juvenile privacy. However the famous Schwarzenegger grin is still visible. Even in an indefinite image, the child looks like his father.

Reading about the tandem births, I immediately thought of the "Micki and Maude" connection. "Micki and Maude" was a funny, warm movie. After a dust-up when the two women discover each other and their coincident babies, it turns out well. Everyone kisses and makes up after a neat 90-minute wind-up. But it's a movie.

Schwarzenegger has hurt a lot of people by his choices: his wife, his children (especially Christopher and the unnamed son of Patty Baena), Rogelio Baena, and even arguably Patty Baena herself. In real life, adultery and deceit don't dovetail so neatly as they do in movies. ( yahoo.com )

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Autistic boy,12, with higher IQ than Einstein develops his own theory of relativity

Autistic boy,12, with higher IQ than Einstein develops his own theory of relativity - A 12-year-old child prodigy has astounded university professors after grappling with some of the most advanced concepts in mathematics.

Jacob Barnett has an IQ of 170 - higher than Albert Einstein - and is now so far advanced in his Indiana university studies that professors are lining him up for a PHD research role.

The boy wonder, who taught himself calculus, algebra, geometry and trigonometry in a week, is now tutoring fellow college classmates after hours.

Scroll down for video

Gifted: Jacob Barnett is so far ahead of his age group he is now leaving university he is developing his own theory on how the universe came into being

And now Jake has embarked on his most ambitious project yet - his own 'expanded version of Einstein's theory of relativity'.

His mother, not sure if her child was talking nonsense or genius, sent a video of his theory to the renowned Institute for Advanced Study near Princeton University.

According to the Indiana Star, Institute astrophysics professor Scott Tremaine -himself a world renowned expert - confirmed the authenticity of Jake's theory.

In an email to the family, Tremaine wrote: 'I'm impressed by his interest in physics and the amount that he has learned so far.

'The theory that he's working on involves several of the toughest problems in astrophysics and theoretical physics.

'Anyone who solves these will be in line for a Nobel Prize.'

But for his mother Kristine Barnett, 36, and the rest of the family, maths remains a tricky subject.

Speaking to the paper, Mrs Barnett said: 'I flunked math. I know this did not come from me.'

And it hasn't gone un-noticed by Jake, who added: 'Whenever I try talking about math with anyone in my family they just stare blankly.'

Jake was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, a mild form of autism, from an early age.

His parents were worried when he didn't talk until the age of two, suspecting he was educationally abnormal.

It was only as he began to grow up that they realised just how special his gift was.

He would fill up note pads of paper with drawings of complex geometrical shapes and calculations, before picking up felt tip pens and writing equations on windows.

By the age of three he was solving 5,000-piece puzzles and he even studied a state road map, reciting every highway and license plate prefix from memory.

By the age of eight he had left high school and was attending Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis advanced astrophysics classes.

Genius: Jake Barnett is now set to become a paid astrophysics researcher

His classroom presence is quite unnerving for many of the 18-plus year old students at his IPIU lectures.

Speaking to the Indy Star, Wanda Anderson, a biochemistry major said: 'When I first walked in and saw him, I thought, 'Oh my God, I'm going to school with Doogie Howser.'

She added: 'A lot of people come to him for help when they don't understand a physics problem.

'People come up to him all the time and say, 'Hey Jake, can you help me'.

'A lot of people think a genius is hard to talk to, but Jake explains things that would still be over their head.'

And his Professor John Ross said his performance in lectures had been 'outstanding'.

'When he asks a question, he is always two steps ahead of the lecture.

'Everyone in the class gets quiet. Poor kid. . . . He sits right in the front row, and they all just look at him.

'He will come to see me during office hours and ask even more detailed questions. And you can tell he's been thinking these things through.

'Kids his age would normally have problems adding fractions, and he is helping out some of his fellow students.'

According to his parents Jake has trouble sleeping at night as he constantly sees numbers in his head.

But far from complaining, Jake has turned the sleepless nights to his advantage - debunking the big bang theory.

The next step, according to professor Ross, is for Jake to leave class altogether and take up a paid research role. ( dailymail.co.uk )

READ MORE - Autistic boy,12, with higher IQ than Einstein develops his own theory of relativity

The battle of ‘Jempana’

The battle of ‘Jempana’ - The sound of the xylophone ensemble peaked into a hair-raising crescendo as the bearers of jempana (palanquins) entered a state of trance.

Each jempana was carried on the shoulders of two adult men, the front and rear bearers. Several other men accompanied the bearers throughout the ritual, making sure their trance-induced wild movements would not hurt the spectators or, God forbid, damage the jempana.

The ritual involved six of these palanquins, each containing a pralingga, which is an effigy of a protecting deity sanctified by the people of Timbrah, a small hamlet in Paksabali village, Klungkung.

Before the battle: Devotees carry jempana (palanquins) to a river-side temple for a purification ritual.JP/Agung Parameswara

Popularly known to outsiders as Siyat Jempana (the Battle of Jempana) or Dewa Mapalu (the Battle of deities), the ritual comes at the end of an 11-day-long ritual held at the Panti clan temple. It falls twice a year on the day celebrated by the Balinese Hindus as Kuningan.

During this Kuningan Day mid December last year, the bearers took the jempana into the temple’s middle court. They performed a purwa daksina, circling around the grounds of the court three times before running faster toward each other. The bearers, eyes tightly closed and in deep trance, shouted repeatedly as they collided into each other in the center of the ground, whilst carrying their jempana.

They repeatedly did so for over an hour. As the night grew darker, some other men tried to guide their palanquins into the temple’s inner court. But the bearers wouldn’t have any of it, determined to continue smashing into each other again. After a brief struggle, the bearers were separated from their respective jempana. The palanquins were carried into the inner court followed by their bearers. The temple priest sprinkled holy water on the bearers, bringing them back from their state of trance.

Host of women and young girls performed the sacred Rejang dance to greet the jempana as they entered the inner court.

Despite the seemingly violent nature of the event, locals maintain it is actually a ritual of celebration.

That’s why they prefer to call the ritual Dewa Mesraman (Gathering of Deities), rather than Siyat Jempana and Dewa Mapalu.

The celebratory nature of the ritual was evident in the communal feast of Megibung the villagers
partook in to mark the beginning of the ritual.

Despite the absence of written historical sources on the unique ritual, many scholars believe that Dewa Mesraman is related to the Usaba Gumang festival at the Bukit Gumang temple and the Meami-amian ritual in Asak village, Karangasem.

The Usama Gumang festival involves four villages; Bugbug, Bebandem, Jasri and Ngis. All these villages are ancient communities that maintained their unique traditions despite East Java’s Majapahit Kingdom attempts to culturally homogenize the island when they annexed it in the 14th century. ( thejakartapost.com)

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The organic vs. conventional

The organic vs. conventional. Are Organic Veggies Better for You? Maybe, or maybe not. Either way, it's a useless debate..

Last week the United Kingdom's Food Standards Agency published an extensive report on organic food that concluded with this bombshell: "There is no evidence of a difference in nutrient quality between organically and conventionally produced foodstuffs." The finding—based on a review of 55 relevant studies conducted over the past 50 years—now threatens an organic food industry that has been growing at an annual rate of 20 percent for the past couple of decades and is now worth something like $23 billion in global sales. The overwhelming success of the organics market has a lot to do with the pervasive belief that eschewing synthetic pesticides and fertilizers makes food more nutritious. Now we know that belief may be unfounded.

Many health professionals took the news in stride. Connie Diekman, a nutritionist at Washington University in St. Louis and former head of the American Dietary Association, said "it is good to see that a systematic review of the literature supports what has long been believed … if [consumers] choose conventionally grown foods or organic foods they will be meeting their nutritional needs." Laura Telford, national director of the Canadian Organic Growers, said, "We don't dispute what they found," before highlighting some non-nutritional benefits of eating organic.

Others, of course, were dismayed. "I'm angry and perplexed," explained Peter Melchett, policy director of the U.K.-based Soil Association, "We genuinely expected the FSA to report the facts. … I think it's outrageous." In more measured tones, Charles Benbrook, chief scientist at the Organic Center, charged the FSA with "downplay[ing] positive findings in favor of organic food," using data from "very old studies" and omitting measures of "some important nutrients."

This is a debate that tends to the extremes. If the past is any indication, here's how it will eventually play out: Boosters of the study will highlight a dozen supporting conclusions reached over the past two decades and stress that the FSA report was the most comprehensive examination of organic heath claims ever undertaken; detractors will highlight a dozen contrasting conclusions reached over the past two decades and note that the FSA report failed to measure for antioxidants and pesticide residues. Both sides have a leg to stand on with these critiques. What's lost in all the mudslinging and nitpicking, however, is a point that cuts to the core of the debate: Any comparison between such general categories as "organic" and "conventional"—no matter which side comes out ahead—is of very limited value. One might even say it's useless.

First, the demographic profile of organic consumers makes this debate one that's hardly worth having. There's no broad public health issue at stake here. Organic food costs 60 percent more than conventional and comprises a mere 2.5 percent of the food eaten in the United States. Advocates of organic agriculture often argue that there's no such thing as a "typical" consumer of organic food. It's true that organic consumers are rapidly diversifying, but the fact remains that consistent buyers of organic goods tend to be female, college-educated, and at least somewhat well-off. All these demographic factors happen to correlate with better access to health care and basic nutritional awareness. Why should we worry whether an already healthy, wealthy, and well-informed cohort absorbs minimally more nutrition from an organic apple? It's far more important that we get more fresh food—organic or not—to those wide swaths of the country that sociologists now call "food deserts."

Another factor undermining the FSA study is the fact that the terms "organic" and "conventional" encompass a wide spectrum of practices. It's so wide, in fact, that accurately comparing the categories is virtually impossible. For example, it's well-known that large, industrial farms overuse pesticides and fertilizers, but many conventional family farms practice integrated pest management, selectively employ advanced fertilizers to reduce runoff, spray very selectively, and establish grazing systems for livestock that rely on environmentally sound rotational schedules. Likewise, the environmental virtues of organic agriculture are conspicuously (and deservedly) touted, but the glowing reports rarely note that most organic food comes from large corporate operations, that some organic farmers rely heavily on natural pesticides that are toxic in high doses, that organic compost can contain more contaminants than conventional fertilizer, and that soil erosion can be as bad or worse on organic farms. There is no standard "organic" or "conventional" farm, so any broad comparison is little more than speculative.

That's part of the reason why these organic vs. conventional studies have yielded such maddeningly mixed results—which, in turn, allow consumers to cherry-pick whatever data support their preconceived notions. Proponents of organic agriculture can cite, if they want, a 2007 report from Newcastle University showing that organic produce has 40 percent more antioxidants than conventional produce. Whereas the naysayers might refer to a 2000 study that found no effect on the levels of healthful phenols in organic strawberries and blueberries. Or perhaps they'd choose a report that found higher rates of naturally occurring toxins in organic foods on account of their being grown without the benefit of synthetic fungicides. All are sound science, but what do they tell the health-conscious consumer who's trying to decide whether to go organic?

To choose one study and declare a position on the debate, as so many advocates do, is not only intellectually dishonest; it ignores the underlying complexity of agriculture itself—a complexity that includes variables that transcend the organic/conventional divide, including plant genetics, cultivars, soil type, farmer skill, harvest methods, timing of harvest, place, and climate. To pick one example, the use of seeds with high yields (by both organic and conventional farmers) may have much more to do with the decline in the nutritional content of produce since World War II than any other factor in agricultural production.

Perhaps most important, our obsession with proving one system better than the other obscures a more critical public health issue. As a nation, we eat far too much meat (273 pounds per year each on average, as of 1999) and not nearly enough fruits and vegetables. According to B.J. Friedman, a nutritionist at Texas State University-San Marcos, only one-quarter of Americans eat the recommended five or more servings of fruits and vegetables each day. "We should be concentrating on encouraging people to eat more fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables," she says. "I'm all for eating organically and locally to protect our environment, but this way of eating is economically and geographically out of reach for most Americans." Her point is getting lost in the debate over last week's FSA report. Let's first focus on what we eat before we start fighting over the details of how, exactly, it's grown. ( slate.com )

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How destructive is snorkeling or diving at a coral reef?

Reefer Sadness. How destructive is snorkeling or diving at a coral reef?. I'm about to leave for my long-awaited tropical vacation, and now I've gotten myself in a tizzy over whether my swimming and snorkeling might contribute to the destruction of coral reefs. How can I be a more responsible ocean visitor? And what about these reports I've heard about sunscreen killing corals—is that true? Should I let myself burn to save the reefs?

You're right to worry. The world's coral reefs are not in such great shape: According to a comprehensive 2008 report from the Global Coral Reef Monitoring Network, approximately 19 percent of the world's coral reefs are "effectively lost"—meaning that they're so degraded or polluted they can no longer support healthy ecosystems or provide other benefits—and another 15 percent are in serious danger of joining that category within the next 10 to 20 years. Reefs are more than just awe-inspiring and gorgeous; they're also brimming with wildlife. They provide local communities with food and money—both from fishing and from tourism—and help protect coastlines from storms and rough waves.

Vacationing snorkelers and scuba divers aren't the biggest threat facing coral reefs—that dubious honor belongs to the trifecta of global warming, the fishing industry, and land-based pollution. But tourism is still a major area of concern: In 2002, the United States Coral Reef Task Force identified "recreational overuse" as one of six priority threats facing our country's coral reefs (PDF). The deleterious effects may be even more pronounced in developing countries, where rapid expansion of the tourism industry isn't always coupled with well-managed conservation efforts.

Ocean frolickers can damage corals intentionally—by touching them or breaking off branches as souvenirs—and unintentionally, by standing, walking, or dragging their gear over them. Snorkelers and divers can also kick up clouds of sediment with their fins. When that grit lands on a reef, it blocks the sunlight that zooxanthellae—the algae that live in and nourish the corals—need for photosynthesis.

When wading in shallow waters, make sure you're walking over sand or gravel, particularly if you're dragging a surfboard. Another way to protect the reefs is to practice swimming before you go—so you're nimble enough in the water to avoid touching the corals. (Klutzy landlubbers like the Lantern should wear a snorkel vest and make sure to get some training before heading in.) Photographers need to be extra cautious: Your extra gear and desire to get sweet close-up shots make you a special hazard.

Boats that drop their anchors into reefs can also cause a lot of damage, so if you're planning on taking any kind of boat tour, look for a responsible company that uses mooring buoys instead of anchors. For a list of tour operators around the world that have pledged to follow ocean-friendly practices, check out the Project AWARE Foundation's ECO Operators program.

Regarding the sunscreen issue: Chances are, you read one of the many alarming news stories on an Italian study published last year that found that common chemical sunscreen ingredients can trigger viral infections in zooxanthellae, causing the corals to "bleach" and weaken. There's still considerable debate over the extent to which the study's findings can be applied in the wild, but in the meantime, it seems prudent to avoid sunscreens that contain the problematic ingredients—namely, oxybenzone, octinoxate, 4-MBC, and the common preservative butylparaben.

Some news reports have recommended zinc oxide or titanium oxide-based sunblocks as "coral-friendly" alternatives.* But the Lantern is a bit wary of that claim: So far, she hasn't seen any data that prove these sunblocks are coral-safe, just a lack of data showing that they're dangerous. As she noted in her previous column about sunscreens, there's still a lot we don't know about the fate of these products in the environment. Luckily, there's an easy, lotion-free way to stay protected while snorkeling: a long-sleeved T-shirt and leggings.

All of this said, the tourism industry has the potential to be a net positive for our oceans. Swimmers and divers who've experienced the spiny majesty of a coral reef firsthand are more likely to press hotels and tour operators to adopt more sustainable practices. Meanwhile, vendors who want to keep tourists happy have a strong economic incentive to maintain beautiful, healthy reefs.

So before you get in the water—and before you even leave home—do your part by supporting businesses with established conservation policies. Choose hotels that properly treat their wastewater and sewage: If these polluting effluents wind up in the ocean, they encourage algae blooms that can overwhelm coral reefs. When planning your beach excursions, try to patronize marine protected areas, which are managed in ways that promote long-term ecosystem health.

Finally, to really green up your vacation, consider donating some of that leisure time to conservation-oriented activities, like the Reef Environmental Education Foundation's Volunteer Survey Project. If your trip is taking you anywhere within REEF's monitoring areas, you can sign up to collect data on the fish you see on your dives. Your data will get fed into much larger data sets that scientists can use to study population trends. Sun, sand, and citizen science—what could be better? ( slate.com )

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How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back. After careful and thoughtful consideration, you've decided that your ex was really Mr. Right. Now what? Here is a six-step plan for a second chance at romance.

Is there a woman out there who isn't a little bit haunted by that "one who got away"? You know: the ex you regret breaking up with, or the guy friend you had a secret crush on in high school, or the hot summer fling you wish had turned into more ... Oh well, he's nice to fantasize about occasionally, but he's a lost cause, right?

Not necessarily. In fact, "retrosexual romances" seem to be the hottest hook-up trend out there — courtesy of Facebook and other social networking sites that make it super-easy to reconnect with an old flame. But should you? Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, shares the deets on whether to dig back into the past, and, if you do, how to work a happy reunion.

1. Before contacting your ex, ask yourself two key questions.

First, do you truly harbor feelings for him — or are you possibly just bored or sick of being single? Don't go there unless you're positive you're still into him. Second, was your past relationship with him healthy? It's much easier to recall all the great things about a guy than to bring to mind the bad stuff, like how you fought all the time or how unmotivated he was. Make an honest assessment of your past bond to avoid falling back into a negative situation.

2. If your answer to both questions was "yes", go ahead and reach out.

Start off super-casual to take the temperature of things. Say something like, "It was so nice to see your name on Facebook! How are you?" His response will reveal a lot. If his reply is short and curt ("Hey there, hope all's well.") that's not a good sign. If he's effusive (think exclamation points or a smiley face) and asks you questions about yourself, that's a green light to take things a step further.

3. One last thing before asking him out: Figure out whether he's single.

If he doesn't list his relationship status online, check out his Facebook photos to see whether the same girl reappears in various cozy poses with him. Or you can subtly feel him out by asking, in a Facebook message or e-mail, about old friends you both had, and then segue into a conversation about his personal life in general. Hopefully his love situation will come up.

4. Good response so far? Suggest a short, low-key meet-up, like going out for coffee.

It's neutral, so you're not putting yourself on the line too much if the romantic interest isn't there on his part. Or, propose revisiting one of your old haunts, like the bar where you used to meet after work, or your favorite Thai restaurant from back in the day. Being in that familiar environment will trigger memories of the past.

5. During your rendezvous, casually reminisce about funny, romantic, or exciting times you had together — like a fantastic trip you took or how you first met.

It'll conjure up the feelings you had then. And find a way to subtly make physical contact, like letting your knees touch his under the table. Notice if he pulls away or relaxes into you.

6. Wait, don't carried away quite yet!

Remind yourself of why things didn't work out the first time around and look for clues to whether things would be any different now. If you broke up because he partied too hard, for instance, notice how much he drinks or how he talks about his nightlife. It would be a bummer to get back together only to discover that the same problems are still haunting you. So take it slow and trust your gut. ( msn.com )

READ MORE - How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

Best Marriage Proposals 2009

Best Marriage Proposals 2009. Talk about setting the bar high! Just in time for proposal season, TheKnot.com announces the most creative marriage proposals of the year.

You Ought to Be in Pictures

The one thing my boyfriend, Josh, and I don't have in common is movies -- I love them, but he could care less. But for our third anniversary, Josh offered to take me to see one. When we walked into the theater, it was already dark, so we grabbed a seat near the front. Suddenly, a picture of us came up on the screen -- Josh had made a movie about us! He and some of our friends acted out scenes from our relationship, and as the movie ended, I turned and Josh was kneeling on the floor. He opened a box with a ring pop inside just as the words "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" flashed on the screen. Then the lights turned on and everyone yelled, "Surprise!" Both of our families and our closest friends were in the theater watching the whole time!

A Fish Tale

My boyfriend and I flew to Seattle and visited Pike Place Market, famous for its fishmongers who throw fish. One of the fishmongers asked me if I wanted to catch a fish. I was nervous that I'd drop it, but I caught the fish and held it above my head to the applause of onlookers -- and then someone shouted that there was something in the fish's mouth. I discovered a plastic bag, tore it open, and found a small box inside. I turned around to find my boyfriend down on one knee!

Love Note, Redux

My fiance and I started dating our senior year of high school. He was shy, so he wrote me a note and left it on my desk -- it was super-dorky and asked if I wanted to "go out with him, be together, or whatever." Then he wrote, "Sorry about the note. I really like you. Jim." Now we're both teachers, and when I got back to my apartment one day after school, there was an envelope taped to my door. As I began to read the note, I realized I'd read it somewhere before. He had rewritten that original note, but changed it to "Will you marry me, be together forever, or whatever. Sorry about the note. I really love you. Jim." He was waiting in my room to propose.

An Offer She Couldn't Refuse

My boyfriend, Mike, and I were at my cousin's apartment, hanging out with her and her husband and their baby, Ryan. Mike is Ryan's godfather. We were all in the living room playing with the baby, and my cousin asked us to change him into his pajamas. So I unsnapped his onesie and went to pull it off over his head, and I realized he had on another one underneath. That onesie had writing on it: "AUNT GG, WILL YOU MARRY MY GODFATHER?" I read it, and then I looked next to me, and there was Mike down on one knee with the ring! And, of course, I said yes!

An Unforgettable View

My boyfriend, Rob, is a pilot, and we often take trips in a Cessna airplane. One night, Rob told me he had rented a plane for the next morning for what I thought would just be a typical flight. After we were in the air for about five minutes, he switched radio frequencies. This wasn't a normal procedure, so I was thinking, Oh gosh, what's wrong? Then Rob asked me, "What's that down there?" I looked down to the ground below us, and written on a football field were the words "Will You Marry Me, Delilah?" Of course I said yes, and the news of our engagement was broadcast for all to hear on radio frequency 123.45.

Love in Any Language

One day, at the hospital where I work, a fellow nurse walked into the OR and handed me a card. One side of the card said, "Chinese," and the back had something written in Chinese. A moment later, another nurse came in and handed me another card. On one side it said, "German," and the other side said something in German. This continued for 45 minutes, with cards coming in all different languages. I didn't know what to think until one of my patients complained of stomach pain, and I lifted up her blanket to find a card that said, "French," which is a language I read well -- I realized that all of the cards said, "Will you marry me?" I opened the door to the recovery room and found my fiance holding the final card. One side said, "English," and when I flipped it over, it said, "Will you marry me?"

Well-Played Proposal

For my birthday, Dell surprised me with a weekend at this beautiful, secluded house. That night after dinner, we decided to play Monopoly. On one of my first rolls, I landed on "Chance." When I pulled the card, it said my name and I was so confused. Dell had designed the card and had written a letter to me! At the end of the card, it said, "If you'll look my way, there is one thing I want to ask..." And when I turned to look at Dell, he was on his knee and holding the ring.

Rules of Engagement

My boyfriend, Nate, had been deployed in Afghanistan for a year, so for my birthday, Nate's friends threw me a party so I wouldn't be alone. The last present I opened was a card that told me to check my closet upstairs. In the closet, I found a DVD with a note that said, "Watch immediately." It was a video of Nate in Afghanistan, holding a sign that said to go to the first place we met. We all drove over to the school where Nate and I had been kindergarten classmates, and then I saw a soldier on the playground. Before I could process what was happening, I realized it was Nate, who had somehow managed to come home. I started bawling on his shoulder, and then he got on his knee and pulled out a ring that was custom-made for me in Afghanistan.

A Walk to Remember

Daniel and I met when we both decided to hike the Appalachian Trail. We met only a few days into our separate hikes and developed a wonderful friendship as we walked across the country together. Six-and-a-half months later, we reached the summit of Mount Katahdin at the end of the trail, and one year after that, Daniel took me back to the trail for a picnic. After we ate, Daniel helped me to my feet and then dropped to one knee. He said if we could walk 2,000 miles together through rain, snow, stress fractures, lightning, bugs, and creepy townies, then there is no doubt that we could take on anything else that life has to offer, and he couldn't imagine any adventure he would want to embark on without me by his side. ( msn.com )

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Middle-class drinkers in their homes are as bad as riotous youths

Middle-class drinkers in their homes are as bad as riotous youths. Middle-class drinkers who consume alcohol in their homes are just as irresponsible as drunk youths on the streets, a senior bishop has claimed.

The Rt Rev John Gladwin, the Bishop of Chelmsford, criticised the double-standards he claims exist in the attitudes of more affluent sections of society towards Britain's "binge-drinking" culture.

He argued that they could not condemn teenagers' behaviour if they are getting drunk themselves, and claimed that they are ultimately responsible for the rise in alcoholism.

Recent figures show one in four adults are putting their health at risk by drinking too much and that 360,000 11 to 15 year-olds get drunk every week Photo: David Burges

His comments follow the release of official figures that show one in four adults are putting their health at risk by drinking too much and that 360,000 11 to 15 year-olds get drunk every week.

Bishop Gladwin, a former social responsibility secretary for the Church, called for a new approach to the problem, which he said was caused by "growing prosperity".

"While do we have a significant problem among young people, not least the binge drinking that breaks out onto our streets, that is not the issue," he said.

"Growing prosperity is behind the rise in alcoholism. We now go out and buy our wine for the weekend."

The bishop said that it was unfair to draw attention to young and poorer people getting drunk in public when they are also having too much alcohol, but in the privacy of their own homes.

"Often poorer people in society haven't got the protection – the safety of jobs and homes – so when young people do go out clubbing it's all very public, whereas for older people you can collapse at home at the weekend and have levels of alcohol consumption that are just as bad."

He added: "People in the middle-classes have got into habits of high levels of alcohol consumption without thinking through the implications for the whole community.

"They can't turn around and complain about another generation who, with cheap alcohol and easy access to it, are doing the same but more publicly."

One in three men and one in six women are classified as hazardous drinkers, according to the NHS Information Centre, while six per cent of men and two per cent of women drink so much that they are likely to suffer physical or mental harm such as liver disease or depression.

The charity Alcohol Concern warned last month that "While the attention paid to binge-drinking and town centre disorder is important, there is a crucial need to tackle the hidden harm caused by alcohol to older people, women and children."

A Government report last year, commissioned by Ed Balls, the Children, Schools and Families Secretary, criticised middle-class parents who introduce their children to wine-drinking using the excuse that the approach works on the Continent.

Bishop Gladwin admitted that clergy were also affected by the problems with alcohol.

"Clergy have gone beyond the limit and got themselves into higher levels of alcohol dependency," he said.

Discussing the Rt Rev Tom Butler, the Bishop of Southwark, who was alleged to have been drunk after a Christmas drinks reception at the Irish embassy, he said: "I like Tom [Butler] because he's a straightforward human-being like the rest of us. There can be no doubt about his shared humanity.

"I think that's why people warm to him. I guess people know that this (alcohol) is an issue for a lot of people. This is what lots of people's lives can be like.

"Whatever went on, right or wrong, a bishop caught up in it and seeking to deal with it is a sign of a shared humanity."

After the party, in December 2006, witnesses reported seeing a man who looked like Bishop Butler climb into the back of an unlocked Mercedes and start throwing toys out the car.

When asked what he was doing, the man replied: "I'm the Bishop of Southwark, it's what I do." ( telegraph.co.uk )

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Bulimics 'are more impulsive'

Bulimics 'are more impulsive'. Bulimics are more impulsive than other people, a new study has found. Scientists have found that patients with the condition are less able to control their urges and more likely to act on instinct than non-sufferers.

Tens of thousands of people in Britain are thought to suffer from bulimia, although the true figure could be much higher as many sufferers hide their condition.

The illness came to prominence in the mid-1990s when Diana, Princess of Wales,
admitted that she had been a sufferer
Photo: GETTY IMAGES

The illness came to prominence in the mid-1990s when Diana, Princess of Wales, admitted that she had been a sufferer.

Researchers found that during psychological tests sufferers reacted more impulsively than non-sufferers.

Asked to give an answer to a simple test they were more likely to plump for an answer more quickly, even when it could be wrong, the findings show.

Brain scans also showed different responses in the part of the mind that regulates behaviour.

Bulimia, in which sufferers binge eat and then purge to avoid gaining weight, often affects people in their teenage years or early adulthood.

It is most common in women and is often associated with a feeling of a lack of control.

"Patients with bulimia exhibited greater impulsivity than (non-sufferers), responding faster and making more errors," according to the findings, published in the Archives of General Psychiatry journal.

Even immediately after they had got one of the questions wrong they would still go on to make another unforced error for the same reasons, the study found.

This inability to regulate their behaviour could be part of the reason why they become bulimic, the researchers believe.

They called for more research into the problem and into ways that doctors can help patients to manage their impulses.

The study, by researchers from Columbia University in New York and the New York State Psychiatric Institute, tested 40 women, half of whom had the condition and half who did not. Figures released earlier this year showed that young people suffering from anorexia and bullimia were waiting an average of more than six months for treatment, with some waiting almost two years.( telegraph.co.uk )

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One in five young women 'has an eating disorder'

One in five young women 'has an eating disorder'. One in five young women suffers from an eating disorder, an NHS survey suggests.

The "snapshot" of the nation's mental health shows that 20 per cent of 16 to 25-year-olds showed signs of a problem with food.

The figure is more than twice the female average, the Adult Psychiatric Morbidity in England 2007 study, found.

An NHS survey shows that 20 per cent of 16 to 25-year-olds showed signs of a problem with food
Photo: GETTY

The most common forms of eating disorder are anorexia, where patients start to starve themselves, or bulimia, in which they binge on food and then purge.

Experts warn that both conditions typically start in childhood or adolescence and can vary greatly in severity.

The study also shows that one on four of those suffering from an eating disorder are men.

While nine per cent of women appeared to have a problem, so did three per cent of men, the study found.

The problem of male anorexia and bullimia has traditionally been a taboo subject, but was pushed to prominence last year when John Prescott admitted that he had suffered from bulimia in the past.

Overall the study found that around 6.4 per cent of adults had an eating disorder.

Another 19 per cent screened positive for a possible eating disorder and 1.6 per cent said that their feelings around food had a significant effect on their life.

Although the problem appeared to diminish with age, one woman in a 100 over the age of 75 was still thought to have some form of eating disorder.

Lucie Russell, from the YoungMinds campaign, said: "These statistics reflect a worrying trend that there is a generation of young people growing up unhappy and depressed, leading often to problems such eating disorders.

"We have to start intervening early. One in three children in every classroom has a diagnosable mental health disorder and that's just the ones that have been classified.

"There is still a huge stigma around mental health which means children and young people are not getting the support they need." ( telegraph.co.uk )

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'One in ten women suffer eating disorders'

'One in ten women suffer eating disorders'. More than one in ten women suffer from eating disorders such as binge eating and bulimia, according to new research.

The investigation established a link between eating behaviours and 'self-rated health' - saying deviant eating behaviours are more likely to occur in women who perceived themselves to be in poor health.

Lise Gauvin, a professor at the Université de Montréal Department of Social and Preventive Medicine, said: "Our results are disquieting.

"Women are exposed to many contradictory messages. They are encouraged to lose weight yet also encouraged to eat for the simple pleasure of it."

Dr Gauvin said the study sheds new light on binge eating and bulimia - which are characterized in part by excessive eating accompanied by feelings of having lost control.

She went on: "About 13.7 percent of women interviewed for this study reported binge eating one to five days or one to seven times per month."

It was also discovered that 2.5% of women reported forcing themselves to vomit, use laxatives, or use diuretics to maintain their weight or shape.

Over 1,500 women took part in the phone survey on eating disorders and disordered eating. Not one participant had been classified as anorexic before the study.

The average age of these urban-dwelling participants was 31, and the majority were non-smokers and university graduates.

Another finding of the study was that 28 percent of women complete intense exercise twice a month with the sole objective of losing weight or influencing.

Dr Gauvin said: "We practice a sport for the pleasure it provides, to feel good, but when the activity is done to gain control over one's weight and figure, it is indicative of someone who could be excessively concerned about their weight.

"Our data suggests that a proportion of the female population displays maladaptive eating patterns."

The new study from the Université de Montréal and the Douglas Mental Health University Institute has been published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders. ( telegraph.co.uk )

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Male Pleasure Positions

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Cyber warfare 'now a reality' with United States and Russia armed

Cyber warfare 'now a reality' with United States and Russia armed. Cyber warfare is now a reality with at least five nations including the United States and Russia already armed with virtual weapons, according to a report.

A wave of politically-motivated cyber offensives this year – such as attacks on the White House and the US Department of Homeland Security – show that the international arms race is now moving online, a study claims.

A new study reports that the international arms race is now moving online

The report warns that cyber strikes could have a "devastating" impact on national infrastructure with power grids, water supplies and financial markets all at risk.

While the potential of online warfare has long been talked up, the Virtual Criminology Report released by the web security firm McAfee claims that it is now moving from science fiction to fact.

France, Israel and China are among the countries known to have cyber weapon programmes, according to Paul Kurtz, the former White House adviser who complied the study based on interviews with more than 20 experts.

“McAfee began to warn of the global cyber arms race more than two years ago, but now we’re seeing increasing evidence that it’s become real,” said Dave Dealt, president of McAfee.

“Now several nations around the world are actively engaged in cyber warlike preparations and attacks. Today, the weapons are not nuclear, but virtual, and everyone must adapt to these threats.”

The infrastructure of most developed nations is connected to the internet and vulnerable to hackers because of insufficient security controls, the report warns.

Companies will also be caught in the crossfire of future cyber wars between governments because so many essential services are privately run, it advises.

Last month a congressional advisory panel in the US warned that China appears to be using the growing technical abilities to collect US intelligence through a sophisticated and long-term computer attack campaign.

Georgia also accused Russian hackers linked to the government of forcing Georgian websites offline during the real-world conflict between the two nations in 2008. ( telegraph.co.uk )

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When Accusations Start to Fly, They Multiply

When Accusations Start to Fly, They Multiply. Witnessing someone get blamed for something leads to more self-defensive finger pointing, study finds.

The blame game is a contagious one, a new study reports, even when the target is innocent.

Researchers found that when people see someone blame someone else for a problem, even if it's an unfair accusation, they're much more likely to engage in blaming others, too.

"When we see others protecting their egos, we become defensive, too. We then try to protect our own self-image by blaming others for our mistakes, which may feel good in the moment," study lead author Nathanael J. Fast, an assistant professor of management and organization at the University of Southern California Marshall School of Business, said in university news release.

The study authors conducted four experiments aimed at discovering what happens when we see someone else being blamed for something. The study was released online in advance of publication in the January print issue of the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

In one experiment, participants read one of two newspaper articles. In one article, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger took the blame for the failure of a special election; in the other article, he blamed special-interest groups.

Those who read the article that cast blame on special-interest groups were more likely to blame others for their own problems, the researchers found.

In the big picture, blaming "creates a culture of fear," Fast said, "and this leads to a host of negative consequences for individuals and for groups." (HealthDay News)

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Society must decide if it 'will accept relationships between humans and robots'

Society must decide if it 'will accept relationships between humans and robots'. Society must decide if it is willing to accept relationships between humans and robots before the machines become so sophisticated they start demanding rights, a legal expert has warned.

Rapid advances in technology mean cyborgs, or human-like robots, are no longer a vision of a distant future.

Arnold Schwarzenegger in the fim Terminator Photo: COLUMBIA FILMS

The machines have been made famous by films like Terminator and Blade Runner but real life is increasingly catching up with fiction.

Earlier this year researchers announced they had created robot ‘scientists’ – complete with the ability to think for themselves.

As the machines become more sophisticated, they will increasingly seem more like humans and could demand ‘human rights’, Anna Russel, from the University of San Diego warns.

One of the flashpoints could be over relationships, including sexual relationships, with humans, she claims.

In an article titled “Blurring the love lines” she warns: “While this humanoid is a giant leap forward technologically, if a self-aware, super-intelligent, thinking, feeling humanoid is developed, the legal system will be hard-pressed to distinguish this creature legally from human actors on grounds not stemming from a religious or moral prejudice.”

Lawyers have to start thinking now about what rights should be accorded to cyborgs, she argues.

Most societies will want to regulate such relationships but Russel claims they have to prepare themselves for how they would respond if the cyborgs clamoured for sexual freedoms.

As the technology improves “it will be inevitable that legal issues would be raised and the love lines blurred,” she warns.

“In what way would such sexual activities be regulated, however, and how regulation would work is not clear.” ( telegraph.co.uk )

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